you’d think i’d know by now

but i don’t.

i can’t quite count the number of mornings i wake up wondering why my arm is bent in a ghastly position, why my mouth tastes like i ate a lemon (…that came back up, went back down, and came up again), and more seriously, whether or not my kidneys and liver have finally decided to call it quits.

just to clarify, that means there are too many of those mornings for me to even attempt to count.

but every time it happens, i’m at a loss. my cries of “whhhyyyyy???” go unanswered. the relief i need delivered only by the passing of time.

then there’s the foraging. it begins in my head. a cursory indexing of all the food i could possibly crave and a mental taste test to see if it would actually soothe my pain. when there’s nothing that sounds appealing, the semi-trained brain, knowing that i should at least eat something will reach for the last thing i found appetizing, which, hopefully, will still be the case. if i get it wrong, the body is quick to correct me.

i’ve got one more fry left from the cheese fries i ordered from Tick Tock. according to josh, carbs do nothing by themselves. it’s all in the grease. so i got grease and carbs. feeling a little better. though i credit time more than anything else.

the thing about this brain that forgets to drink water and forgets that there’s value in slow-and-steady, is also quick to forget the agony…very quick. all that lingers are memories of laughing, lots of laughing…and who wouldn’t want more of that?

oh and btw.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANCIS!

~ by hydenckl6 on June 3, 2009.